Five Best Tips For Getting to Win-Win Negotiating

Improve Communication Skills: Negotiating to You win – I win.



You are in a disagreement with someone, and the issue is important.

The relationship is important.

How do you get to a Win-Win solution? For a description of Win-Win solutions, see Solve Problems, Protect the Relationship.

A Win-Win solution means that you are better off than you would be if you didn’t negotiate.  It does not mean that you will get everything that you want.

1.  First of all we recognize that the other person is not the problem, the problem is the problem.  Two people are working together to solve the problem. Your buddy, your parent, your child, your co-worker:  these people are not the problem.  These are your resources, your responsibilities, your support system

If the problem is between the two of you, the problem is not the other person, it is the way that the decision is being made, so that one or both of you in the relationship is not satisfied.

2.  Second, you sit together side by side to address the problem. Sitting across from each other emphasizes or underlines the difference, the conflict.  Sitting side by side, with the problem across from both of you, changes the focus.  Remember, the problem is the problem. You can use a large piece of paper between you to write out the problem, to write out how you feel about it, to discuss how you think about it.

3. Third there is an emphasis on listening.  This is important and it is a skill that is somewhat deficient is many relationships, especially those with a history of disputes. Listening is a skill that can be learned.  See 10 Habits of Really Good Listeners. If you listen well, you will really understand the situation from the point of view of the other person.



4.  Be willing to express your own point of view of the problem.  Express your experiences with the problem, your feelings about these experiences and your thoughts about them.  If the discussion avoids blame, name calling, or any other forms of disrespect, there will be little risk at this self exposure.

5. Aim for a solution that will meet the needs and the desires and that will address the concerns of your partner in this discussion.  Remember, the solution improves the position of both of you.

 You are at a Win-Win position when you both agree that you are in a better position than if you had not talked together in order to resolve the problem.  The solution may work better over time if both agree that the person who gave more in one situation will receive more in the next situation.